Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
