i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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