whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
