Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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