I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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