glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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