I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
