If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't turn off my feet"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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