Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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