Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
