I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize