I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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