what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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