I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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