Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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