Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
