dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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