I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
