the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
