Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize