just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
