My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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