i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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