Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
