I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
