no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize