We're like a lot better than the average bears
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
