Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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