you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
