dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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