I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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