I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
