Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
