never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
