just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
