Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
