If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
