I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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