I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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