the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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