I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
