its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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