I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Damn victory sex feels great
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
