We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
