hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
