just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
