I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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