Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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