Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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