I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
