omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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