Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
