dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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