It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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