He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
