Pants 0. Shit 1.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
What a dumb baby whore.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
