The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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