Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
