Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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