Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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