Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My feet surprised me
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