I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
