Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Farmville is her only friend.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
