Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
