Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
