I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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