Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
