just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
