I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
