Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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