i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
