Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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