I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
