the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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