I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
