You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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