No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
