I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
