Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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