my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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