you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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