grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
