Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
