That's intense
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
