today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
