Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize