Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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