so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
