Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
