Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
