This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
