You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
