Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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