dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
