i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
