Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
