theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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