Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
