i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
