Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
