Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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