Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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