mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
