so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How's work?
Spinning.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
