I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
