bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
