Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
