Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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