"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
