i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i think i have herpe
just one?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You took a bar mat shot.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
