but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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