I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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