We need to rekindle our bromance
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
